Sometimes I wish if my mom didn’t stay at home raising us , if she traveled more , went out more or was busy when we needed her .I wish if she was a business woman who left our responsibility to nanny , but she wasn’t , she was there for us all the time , taking care , supporting, feeding, helping and standing by us ,even against dad sometimes. If all that didn’t happen , It would be easy to forget her and get over the memories.We were like twins me and her (because I’m the youngest) she took me everywhere with her ,told me what ever she can’t tell my sisters, we used to giggle on funny TV shows every afternoon,I was the last one to stay at home with her, and the one who she lifted the world in her arms.It’s hard to accept your mom leaving this world when she didn’t leave a tiny gap in your life unfilled with kindnesses.It’s so hard to breath when you see her everywhere around you, all over the world.It is even harder when you remember the times she needed you and you didn’t even call.She used to call me in every trip I made, but I didn’t care, I took her for granted, I always thought I will die first (how selfish) I didn’t think for one day she’ll leave .In her last days she used to hold my hands tight and look at me like she wants to say something, I didn’t think at all she was saying goodbye ,lately I found out she was doing the same with each one of my sisters.She knew the end was near and we weren’t even thinking so , it took us buy sudden . Sometimes I think God must love my mom, she didn’t see any of her daughters and sons die , God know she won’t handel it, I know that would brook her. She was the first to leave in the family , changing everything in our life for ever.I’m almost 40 but the truth that I will never eat her food anymore, I won’t hear her prayers every morning and every time I travel, I won’t smell her warm mix of perfumes and I won’t find any afternoon companion hurts deeply .I lost my best friend and it hurts to live some days, specially hollydays.I wish she was busy, so I won’t miss her ,yet I’m glad I had this full life of memories with my mom (rest in peace sweet hart , you were the perfect mom )